it's time to go.

Matt took this picture of me at Great Sand Dunes but it seems appropriate for this post.

I'm leaving in the morning. First to Philly and then to South Africa. It still seems a bit surreal. I'm really excited and still minorly overwhelmed because I have yet to finish packing but overall I'm not even sure how to feel exactly.

I know this is huge. Rationally, I know that it is silly to even speculate on how my life will be different because I am completely lacking in the framework to understand the change that is about to happen in my life. Maybe my quest for more rationality in my life has led me to the point where I feel calm and ready and not much beyond that.

I am really going to miss people. The focused time I've had with my friends and my family lately has just magnified my awareness of what I am leaving behind. At the same time I feel like this choice is really right for me. I can't wait to meet people tomorrow, I can't wait to be in South Africa, I can't wait to stumble through language training... this anticipation is what is reminding me that it is totally worth leaving behind people I love for twenty seven months.

I bristle at all of the implications of most romantic movies but I feel like I've been socialized to swoon at the idea of someone leaving behind the life that they love for someone they love... the old "he moved across the country to be with me" fantasy. This is my version. I'm leaving behind the life that I love for myself because I love myself.

It's time to put not being afraid to live into action. It's time to share what I worked so hard to learn. It's time to go out into the world and live.

I am so ready.

p.s. I won't have Internet access for a long time... hopefully I will be sending posts home for my dad to post for me but please be patient. If you're wishing you were reading about my life send me a letter and maybe my response will beat my next post!