12.28.2008

Home.

A long, long time ago in a land far, far away I recieved a letter from a wise and wonderful friend questioning me on why I never refered to South Africa as "home". It spurred an ongoing musing on the topic of home, and a dawning realization that at this point in my life I don't really have much of a defined "home".

In the last month I've experienced the "home" feeling of being with almost every person I love the most (above mentioned wise and wonderful friend is the notable exception). I've been "home" in the US since December 10. Before I came to the US I spent 10 days with a friend I really love and value in Cairo, in the perfect mix of adventure and comfort... things I hope for someday in my "home" reality. I've seen friends who are living all over the country, I've had hours of wonderful time with my family, I've opened presents and cooked food and talked about important things and drank whiskey. I've crossed a pretty wide variety of situations that all contribute to the happiness of my life. I leave in two days to return "home" to South Africa.

I'm a long way off from a settling point of any kind, and I'm still not quite sure where that settling point might be but at least this trip has given me an reminder of what I'm looking for. Many of my friends here in the US are settling into pretty cool realities that include partners, home buying, jobs they care about, circles of friends, and unusual paths. When I see people I respect and care about living cool and interesting lives I am reminded that some of these things can be mine.

So now I'm trying to readjust my thinking to go back "home" to South Africa and honestly, I know it's going to be hard becuase even though I care about the people in my life and the work I'm doing over there, it's not "home". Peace Corps is part of my adventure and it is helping me define what is important, what I want and what I don't want. In many ways living in circumstances so far from what I wish for in my life has exposed me to how sweet home is/can/will be.

I am so lucky to have amazing people in my life. Thanks if you were part of my much-needed return to my world. Thanks especially to the people who really listened to what I have been struggling with, and who live wildly and fully with me. All of you are what make the grey skies and empty strip malls of Ohio feel like some sort of promised land.